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I almost forgot my briefcase!

it contains important lab results

I keep all my important doguments in it.

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To you,

I know I tore you apart in every single way a heart can be torn. I know we were each other’s comfort and the sound of your voice could instantly calm me down. I know that when I look at you, those lips, the gentleness in your eyes, and the warmth of your embrace, the love I felt showed within my face. I know that no matter what, I’ll still love you and all the little things we use to do. But the one thing I can’t admit is that you made me 100% happy. It was like I was willingly drowning in something so sickening that it felt good in its own twisted way. Maybe it’s atonement for what Joel use to do to me. The feeling of instability. Never feeling good enough or almost too good to be his. But the history was something I could never leave behind. Our foundation was built from a bunch of lies, deceiving one another, and wanting to settle the score. Fine, don’t like alcohol? Well I didn’t like all the girls. Trust was never there from month one. I always felt in the pit of my stomach that you were not the one. I wish we could have had the future we foolishly imagined. You would have been the perfect husband and the perfect father. But life doesn’t work that way. We can’t just talk of a future when we both want different things. I loved you senselessly. But you never listened to me. It was always what you wanted. What I did to you. How I betrayed you when you have a masters degree in bullshit. You spun the lies and I believed it every time. I could never fully be myself in fear of judgement. I told you how I didn’t think we were meant to end up together when you clearly thought we were and it just FLEW over your head. As if it never even reached your ears. How is it you never fucking listened to me? Yeah, I loved you so much. I love you still. But Kevin? I like him. I like him so much. His kisses aren’t the same. In fact they feel off. His hugs are different and he’s not you. He doesn’t cuddle like you. He doesn’t kiss the way I loved when you did and he will never look at me the way you did. But he listens. He listens endlessly to my pointless rants that’ll last hours and plays along with my stupid jokes. He’ll laugh at how stupid I am and he’ll tell me I’m hilarious. Which is such bs but I love it. He’ll just giggle at the unfiltered crap that spews from my train of thoughts and listen to the gossip I collected for the day. He’ll let me figure my problems out as I talked about them for hours and he just listens patiently. How. Idk how he does it. He makes me laugh till I cry. He makes me smile so effortlessly it’s almost pukable. I smh so much because he says the stupidest and cheesiest shit. He takes all my bullshit and respects the crap out of me and gives me my space when I need it without the guilt trips. I really really like him. He will never be you. And I don’t want him to be you. I want him to be the good ol Kevy that I know and like. And I need to forget you. I need to move on for good and to continue being happy and chasing after it. I can’t look back not this time. I need to forgive myself for all the guilt I’ve cumulated because of how I was with you. I’m so truly sorry for everything. I love you but not so much like that anymore. Please take care. I loved you.

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Three years later, a new girl sits cross-legged on your bed.
She tastes like a different flavor of bubblegum than you are used to.
She opens up a book that you had to read in high school, and a folded picture of us falls out of chapter three.
Now there are two unfinished stories resting in her lap.
Inevitably, she asks, and you tell her.

You say: I dated her a while back.
You don’t say: Sometimes, when I’m holding you, I imagine the smell of her vanilla perfume.

You say: She was younger than me.
You don’t say: The sixteen summers in her bones warmed the eighteen winters my skin had weathered.

You say: It’s nothing now.
You don’t say: But it was everything then.

Some things are better left unsaid (via dearalexandra)


(via extrasad)

This had me close to tears

(via perksofamanda)
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keikozakky trust
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she reaches down seductively. I guide her hand to my zipper. she unzips my fanny pack by mistake. raviolis spill out everywhere

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You should be with somebody who makes you forget what it felt like to be sad. (via sleepingbreathless)
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Surround yourself with people who know your worth. You don’t need too many friends in your life; you just need a few who can see who you are, and appreciate your uniqueness and value. Unknown (via purplebuddhaproject)
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Sometimes, in order to move on, you got to find a new addiction to get over another. jenn satsune (via ohsatsune)
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Anonymous: what do you want to be when you grow up?


Big boobed and rich

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